Good Night Hannah Dog

 

Across the evening sky, all the birds are leaving

But how can they know it's time for them to go?

Before the winter fire, I will still be dreaming

I have no thought of time

For who knows where the time goes?

Who knows where the time goes?

song lyrics by Sandy Denny 

It was a slow gradual decline with a rapid plummet at the end. Our dear Hannah dog, curator of all things Nammah's Place, left us for the last time. It was time for her to go. March 15, 2021. 

What has become clear in the last few days of reflection and memory stroll, is how inextricably interconnected she is with this place. Nammah's Place WAS Hannah's Place! She arrived at 3 months and spent all of her (one month shy of) 14 years here. She owned this place and knew it. It was her free range dog paradise. 

I believe with every core of my being that Hannah was meant to live, and die, here at Nammah's Place. This dog who came to us with anxieties about being tied up, or fenced in, or left alone - found a place where she could run free (most of the time!)

I (Paula) have learned so much from this gentle soul: How to greet each day with a fresh enthusiasm. What unconditional love really looks like. And how to age with strength and grace. 

[maple syruping, March 13, 2021]

In her death I am finding new lessons about grief. There is something so complete about her life and death. She lived fully until the end and in the end was clearly used up. I could not ask for anything more. Not even another day! It would feel wrong and selfish. Grief with gratitude!

More familiar to me is grief with regret. Want for more time. Regrets about what was or wasn't. With Hannah, there is none of that. I have no regrets and there was no more to want for!

In fact the opposite is true...prior to my retirement from UMD I heard myself say: "I just want a full year at home with my dog." No rushing off to work or being distracted by a busy schedule. When I start to twist elements of regret into my grief, I think about how I was given exactly what I asked for (plus 13 bonus days!) It makes me smile. COVID19 allowed the gift of a daily 24/7 for a full year! I find it hard to imagine it being any more complete.

And still we grieve. A full and complete life is still a fatal and final end at death. Because Hannah WAS Nammah's Place, she is everywhere here. At each location I find myself on our property, I know exactly where Hannah would be perched while joining us there. Her preferred perches were clear and not to be dissuaded! Her preference for the side of the gravel road (between the house and garden) when we were in the garden - was particularly unnerving. It was as if she wanted a front row seat to the infrequent passer by. As they slowed to avoid her, she was sure they were stopping to chat (or pet.) 

Hannah was a garden dog.

A woods woman!

Spirit Field appreciator

A lover of little visitors (and older ones too)

She loved the front porch
And her favorite position was repose!

Good night Hannah. I don't know where the time goes, but I am forever grateful for your time with us.

"What makes you think I was out digging?"